nothing to do, nowhere to go

i guess i’ll sit on this curb till the rainwater pools at my feet, lapping at my toes and cascading into the sewer system below. it feels nice to not feel anything for a change. my brain has settled into a cozy state of complacent contentment, neither incredibly mournful or particular happy. i am just existing. and it feels good to know that’s all i have to do. no one is waiting for me. no one is wondering about me. no one cares. instead of feeling the empty sadness that usually afflicts me in these moments, i feel free. i don’t stop to consider if this feeling of freedom is rooted in sanity; i just let the relief course over my skin, enveloping my vision, my scent, my smell, my touch. only my sense of taste is left unaltered, and the only thing on my tongue is the remnant of a salty soulless tear; one of many that have fallen and mixed with the raindrops. i have nothing to do. breathe in. breathe out. feel nothing.